Thursday, November 11, 2010

Help. Please!

So, as I've mentioned before, I am working on play regarding virginity.  At the moment, I'm not sure where I'm going with it, but I could use some feedback.

If you have a moment, please write to me a short blurb about your thoughts on virginity.  More or less, what does it mean to you to be a virgin in today's modern society?

This can be one sentence to a whole paragraph in length.

Also, please note that I might be using some of your actual words for my piece, but will not be stating your name (unless given permission by you, of course)!  Any questions, thoughts, concerns, funny anecdotes, please email me at  Thanks in advance!  I really (truly!) appreciate anything you have to offer.

Contrary To Popular Beliefs

It might seem contradictory to some that I state how we as a culture are fascinated with this idea of virginity, and then I go and write a series of blogs about it.  Let me just clarify, I am interested in the obsession itself that America seems to have over the concept of virginity.

Why does the fact of not having sex or having sex determine so many people's outlook on others?  How did we get to a place in society where we hold celibacy balls and Girls Gone Wild tapes?  This, along with much more, is what I'm researching as I undergo the quest of what it means to be a virgin in today's modern society.

As of right now, I believe a lot of it has to do with the feminist movement of sexual expression.  Once women were finally able to express themselves as sexualized beings, the obsession began.  Suddenly girls everywhere wanted to be viewed as experienced, sexy, or dominant.  They wanted to be the controllers, no longer the controlled.

For years (centuries even) men have single handedly controlled women's sexuality.  Whether it be through family (the father giving his daughter away) or in marriage (many men would not accept "used goods" as a wife), these are still relevant issues in today's world just as much as they were hundreds of years ago.  Now, however, women are grabbing a hold of the reigns and expressing themselves more openly with regards to sex.  Such as where we come up with the dichotomy we find ourselves dealing with on an everyday basis.  Today we have both the modern Virgin Mary and Mary Magdalene.  There still seems to be a lack of gray area between the two.  Some of us might not even see it, but our country is completely divided up between these two ideas.

Either you've had sex and are experienced, or you're a virgin and a prude therefore.  There is pride and shame found in both categories.  Some women wish to hide the fact that they've had sex, and others wish to portray that they have.  Why does it matter if someone has slept with zero, five, or twenty people, and why should we let that determine our views on them as people?

While I'm at it, I should also state that a lot of these thoughts have come from reading The Purity Myth by Jessica Valenti.  If you haven't read any of her books, I highly recommend doing so.  She has also written Full Frontal FeministYes Means Yes, and He's a Stud, She's a Slut.  Along with that she is the founder of, a website that I strongly encourage you to check out.

Okay, now that I've plugged Jessica Valenti, let me continue forward with my ideas.  Hopefully you've seen the film American Beauty.  If not you definitely need to, and this does give some of the plot away, so just be warned.  If you have, however, you know the story line between Kevin Spacey and Mena Suvari.  She's a high school student, best friends with Kevin Spacey's daughter, and a proclaimed slut (for lack of a better word).  He's infatuated with her and at one of the final scenes, when they're about to have sex she says, "this is my first time."

Now there is so much to be said about the relationship between these two characters.  Heck, I could write an entire book about all the elements that go into the psychology behind this story.  Let me just focus on one thing at the moment, this idea of proclaiming yourself to be a slut, but being a virgin underneath.  Some of this refers back to my previous blog Turning In The "V Card" And What It Means To Be A Virgin In Today's Modern Society, so forgive me if I'm repeating myself.

It appears that the majority of women today (from my perspective that is) wish to appear as those who have had more experience in bed, even if they haven't.  Why feel that way?  Not knowing why others do it, I can only explain my own story here.

While I was studying in Prague in the summer of 2009, I wrote an entry in my journal based off a discussion I had with a guy there.  It began with: What is it with men and their fascination with virginity?  There's something unknown to them about the idea. From there, it went into my thoughts of how people are viewed once they have sex, and the influence other people's opinions have upon them.  If we didn't have that kind of pressure in society, I wonder how different our lives would be.  If that weight was lifted off young men and women's shoulders and accepted more as a social understanding, where would we be?

If it didn't mean everything to young men and women.  And yes, I realize sex is a very important step in anyone's life, but if we took that pressure off of it and made it more of an everyday circumstance (which it truly is), would that help our society?  I think about if I have daughters in the future.  I would like to imagine myself being completely open and honest with them.  I would explain to them that while the first time having sex can be a big deal, don't let it stop them from experiencing the joys and downfalls from entangling themselves with another human being.

Virginity is very important to a lot of women, and was for me for many years.  From where I am right now in my life though, I wish it had been a little different though.  I wish people would be more accepting of other's choices and not make them feel the need to defend themselves when it comes down to whether they have or have not had sex.  I wish it wasn't always a choice between being the modern Virgin Mary or Mary Magdalene.  

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The Waiting Song

"the waiting song" by Ani DiFranco

your basic average super star
is singing about justice
and peace
and love
and i am glaring at the radio,
saying that's just what i was afraid of
the system gives you just enough
to make you think that you see change
they will sing you right to sleep
and then they'll screw you just the same

but i will wait
yes, i will wait for the truth

they think i make a big deal about nothing
but they still think i'm
kinda cute
they joke about the status quo
to break the ice
once the ice is broken
i hope they all fall through
'cause this is no joke to me
they don't fool me
with their acts of sensitivity
they too shall pass
just like everyone
who's only here for my ass

and i can't wait
oh i can't wait till they get their due

baby i've only got a minute
baby i have to go
a minute is all my life
will ever allow
let's grow old
and die together
let's do it now
because you'll do all the jobs
no one else will do
and you'll step aside
and you will let me come through
you have all my respect
i'll leave it here when i go
maybe i never told you, baby
maybe you don't know

but maybe if we wait
if we wait things will improve
maybe we just wait
and things will improve
you know, they've got to improve

your basic average superstar
is singing about justice
and peace
and love
and i am glaring at the radio
saying that's just what i was afraid of
the system gives you just enough
to make you think that you see change
they'll sing you right to sleep
and then they'll screw you just the same

he says i know you have to go
you have gone before
we are fighting on two different fronts
of the same war
but no matter what else
i will do
i will wait for you

Sunday, November 7, 2010


"We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but the appalling silence of the good people." -Martin Luther King Jr.
This morning I woke up to a blinking light on my cell phone.  It was a voicemail from one of my best friends regarding a very serious issue surrounding the play he is currently in at CSUF.  Most of you have probably heard of the show (or film) The Laramie Project, a play by Moises Kaufman and the members of the Tectonic Theater Project.  Without going to much into detail here, it focuses on the effects Matthew Shepard's death had on the town of Laramie, WY.  It was a hate crime that not only shocked the town, but the nation as well.  The year was 1998. 

Here's a look at what has happened since then:


Rutgers Tragedy: Young People Lack 'Empathy'
October 1, 2010 5:17 AM
Maggie Rodriguez speaks with mother of slain gay teen Matthew Shepard, Judy Shepard about the suicide of a Rutgers Freshman after he was filmed kissing another man.
Read more:

President Barack Obama Signs Hate Crimes Legislation Into Law

Throughout all of this, there have of course been others fighting against those of us who speak out against hate crimes.  Those of us who believe love can conquer all and that equality is a human right for each and everyone of us.  One of those organizations is the WBC (Westboro Baptist Church). 

The message my friend left me last night explained to me that this group is planning on picketing the production of The Laramie Project at CSUF:

California State Univeristy - Fullerton in Santa Ana, CA November 13, 2010 7:15 PM - 8:00 PM

WBC will picket the Laramie Project at California State University - Fullerton to remind everyone that God killed Matthew Shepard and he has been burning in Hell for 12 years now - with eternity left to go. Lest ye repent, ye shall likewise perish!
This nation set up a filthy, drug-addicted sodomite as a hero to be worshipped because he got himself killed while out trolling for his lusts. His mother, fag-pimp Judy Shepard, uses his death as a platform to promote fags across this land. Instead, she should be warning this nation to turn form their lusts and sin and OBEY THE LORD! Like all other doomed americans, fag-pimp Judy wouldn't have it any other way - she will not let go of her sins and doesn't want anyone else to either! Never fear, WBC will step in to do the job of warning this nation to flee the wrath to come. God promised to curse those who follow the path of Matthew Shepard, woe unto those involved with promoting sodomy through such filth as The Laramie Project! 
Romans 1:27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. 28 And even as they did not like to retain God in [their] knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; 29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, 30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: 32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.
 Check out the website for more information about this group.

My friend asked me to help him spread the word, emphasizing the fact that we can't be silent about this.  Now knowing that this group has a reputation for picketing The Laramie Project time and time again, CSUF is definitely not alone in this fight. It doesn't help though that they are located in the typically conservative environment of Orange County, but in my heart I believe there are enough good people out there that will help spread the word of love against these hateful remarks.

Please do what you can. Let's come up with some thoughts of how to work together, promote love, and do so in a peaceful way. It is not a solution to fight hate with more hate.



Tuesday, November 2, 2010

So excited for the thoughts going on inside my head

So I'm working on four plays right now.  All of which involve a variation of these concepts: virginity, masculinity, and sexual politics.  Wonder if minoring in Gender Studies got to me at all... maybe just a tad!

Might be posting some of my scene ideas up here soon, so check back!